Liberal Media Baselessly Attacks CIA on "Light Torture" Allegations

After America came under attack from heartless radicals hellbent on enforcing an extreme version of their religion, the country changed. The most experienced FBI agents admitted that despite everything they had previously seen on the field, sleep was hard to come by at night. Constant reports of threats facing the Homeland and federal agents regularly foiling suicide plots simply altered the way Americans perceived the world.

The unimaginable became imaginable; even a child could in one instant turn out to be a weapon of mass destruction, a suicide bomber carrying an explosive device with more than 10oz of destructive material.

In their desperation to protect the Homeland, some of America's patriots were ordered to turn to what before had been unimaginable: Enhanced Interrogation Techniques. One of those EITs involved the use of bright lights in the cells of those who took part in planning the attacks which led to the greatest loss of American life in the country's history.

According to some who have seen the CIA "Torture" Report produced by former President Obama's leftist Congress, the use of bright lights against terrorists is described as potential torture, despite this being far from the truth. 

One of our editors was recently given the privilege of spending the night in a Dutch Ministry of Defense cell courtesy of the Marechaussee, the country's monarchic military police. 

In Marechaussee cells, bright lights are never turned off, yet the prisoners seemed happy and in fact it simply took half an hour for our editor to find a way to cover his eyes with an arm before falling asleep like a baby. 

Brights lights inside of cells may be for a terrorist less pleasant than a Trump Tower penthouse, but prison was never meant to be a spa, and indeed the main objective is to keep inmates safe, as well as guards. 

Bright lights allow guards to quickly peek into a cell and they also facilitate the function of cameras, should there be any in the cell. 

When "progressive" Northern European countries big on abortion do something, the liberal media will report on it as a great new safety measure for society. When the men keeping the US safe from terrorists do it, it's often decried by leftists as a grave menace that threatens to plunge society back to the 1950s.

Our editor's stay in a Marechaussee cell convinced us that liberals who graduate from their college safe spaces and go directly to an East Coast newsroom are simply not capable of determining what's necessary to maintain order and safety in an environment where some of the most ruthless men in the world sit lurking and plotting.