The Day I Made a Woman Hide in the Closet

It was the end of my first year in Korea and I was at the bottom of an abyss. I was living in Daechi-4-Dong, one of the most expensive neighborhoods in Gangnam, and Gangnam itself is the most expensive area in Korea, especially after that hit-song. I liked my studio and the view, but I'm the kind of guy that feels more comfortable in a place where you can spit on the floor and smash a bottle, so I often hung out in Itaewon, near Yongsan US army garrison.  It was there that I drunkenly met a busty blonde who would come to smash the bottle that was my innocence.
So, I notice her in the Wolfhound wearing a mini-skirt and end up sitting next to her. It didn't take words before I was caressing her legs, and almost right after she asked me if we wanted to get out of the bar. I didn't bother saying goodbye to my Irish friends, and very soon was at Loving Hut restaurant having a vegan meal. She wasn't vegan, but I'm open-minded before I get laid. And sure enough, we finished that meal and were back at my studio in Gangnam. When I lifted up her skirt, I noticed a fantastically waxed vagina; a sight I had not seen during my entire year of digging Korean trenches. Man, when you go a year banging very-hairy, sexually-unliberated vagina, a liberated white hole feels like heaven. Say what you will about body hair, but it makes penetration a more shitty affair.
I was hooked right there, to the point that I said: "Hell, if there is waxed pussy in Itaewon, maybe I can put up with another year in Gangnam." I relayed that message to my newfound friend -- more poetically, of course -- and she sees a future with me because I'm staying in Korea for her. Sadly, it would be only two weeks until the drama tore us apart. I finished my contract that month and went to NY to take two months off. When I returned from NY, I expected that what we had would be in her mind just a summer fling, but this was not to be the case.
About a month into my newfound-love-affair with Itaewon, I had already a new lover with a waxed vagina. I'm casually sitting at the Wolfhound when I feel a smack across the face that knocks me down. I was too drunk to know what was going on, and when I came to I saw her, angrily confronting me because I was in her words: "ignoring her." Whatever, I didn't pay much attention and then I walked over to my new lover and her Italian friend. We were scheduled to go to my place for a ménage à trois, but when the taxi pulls up outside of my place in Gangnam, the Italian tells me that my new lover doesn't want to come in.
"What! Why? There's a perfectly good threesome about to happen," I say.
"Well, the busty blonde didn't only smack you. She threw punches at your newfound waxed snack," said the Italian.
Yep, I was so drunk and disoriented from getting punched in the bar that I missed the cat fight. I jumped out of the cab, extremely disappointed, and saw them ride off to Incheon. I felt bad because Incheon is a 30,000 won cab ride from my place; they could have saved that money by sleeping in my bed, but whatever, spoiled suburban women often have no concept of frugality.
I fall asleep in my empty bed, and the next day at work I get a phone call. One of my Texan friends wants to know how I could be so ruthless, how I could be so cold. How could I do so much wrong that it would lead a perfectly innocent busty blonde into smacking down a tiny woman and a good-looking Dominican blogger? My Texan friend tells me that she probably would have smacked me around too if I had done to her what I did the blonde.
"She told me that she was at your place getting freaky and that your other lover knocked on the door. You told her to hide in the closet, and she stayed there for an hour until you managed to give the other what she had come for."
I was shocked. I couldn't believe that the blonde would go around spreading such a malicious fabrication. Although the deposit for my studio was 70 million won, it was still an apartment in Gangnam, and the closet was the size of a shoebox. There is no possibility that a large, busty blonde would be able to squeeze herself into a Daechi-Dong closet. Therefore, it is apparent through deductive reasoning that lies have been spread with the purpose of slandering me and making me look like some kind of womanizer.