Is There Something Wrong with Having a "Preference" for Asian Women?

Asian women are fetishized. A creepy guy [generally a white American] sees an Asian woman and immediately decides that she is ripe for his penis. 

In Japan, some parents check the background of their children's partners and forbid marriage if the background includes blood from an unacceptable part of East Asia. I knew a girl in Korea who developed a relationship with a Japanese guy only to have it rescinded by his parents because in their eyes she was a "filthy Korean."

Though most Americans can clearly see that Japanese parents breaking up their children's interracial relationships with Koreans is hurtful, many Americans fail to see a problem with a desire to have a relationship with someone exclusively because they are Japanese, or Korean. Some of my white friends see themselves as enlightened because they are willing to date Asian women. Any Asian woman. Some of my white friends who exclusively date Asian women even take offense when someone calls them out on their choices. 

After spending two years in Korea, I understood first-hand the brutal obsession with blood that turns neighbors into rivals willing to destroy their own children's happiness. It was hard for me to think of "yellow fever" as a bad thing after witnessing countless places in Korea with signs that read: "Koreans only!" If anything, I believed that people should date outside of their race and work to put an end to the current obsession with "background" that occupies the minds of so many.

If anything, all the articles about white men and "yellow fever" made me uncomfortable. I feel that a lot of articles on interracial dating unfairly cast white men in a negative light, a light that unfavorably shines suspicion upon every interracial couple. A level of suspicion that leaves many people wondering: "Is he with her simply because he likes Asians? Is he one of those creepy white guys who's gonna turn into a sex tourist?"

At first I found it too hard to relate to Asian women who felt fetishized. Our culture doesn't really teach males the power of fetishization, and very few males are ever subjected to anything resembling what a typical Asian woman might be subjected to. It wasn't until a few days ago that I truly remembered how painful it can be to be seen as nothing but a "fetish," as a stereotype to fit a mold.

It was freshman year at Yale and I had barely come out of virginhood. I felt on top of the world as a result, and when a senior girl decided to take me out on a few dates, all I could think about was scoring another one for team Penis. That she always complimented my Spanish only made her more amazing in my eyes.

I'm Dominican, which means that I'm supposed to be a fantastic dancer, but I'm not. I'm so bad at the whole dancing game that I'm only willing to dance in front of whites -- who likely won't judge me -- so it was quite a boost to my ego when she would tell me that I was her: "Latino dance sensation."

Not only was I her "Latino dance sensation," I was her "Latin lover," and also her "passionate mango." I liked her even more with every sentence she uttered about my Latin greatness and was rather excited when she invited me to enjoy her body for an evening. 

So there we are in my tiny single in Lawrence Hall (I was a lucky freshman because I had a single) and she begins to put the moves on me. "So, how many women you've been with?" she asked me as she took off my pants. "Seven," I replied, despite having just lost my virginity a few months earlier. "Have you ever had an STD?" she asked as she took off her pants. "No," I said as I slapped on one of those free condoms they left out in the entryway.

So, there I was, ready to start pounding, when she told me: "By the way, I want to marry a Jew."  I simply looked at her, not knowing what to say. I truly liked the girl, but she just wanted a fling with a Latino, made it clear that it was just sexual fantasy and not a relationship. Her verbal desire to marry a Jew left me in shambles, I lost my erection and only managed to rub my dick on the curly ginger hair around her vagina. I was devastated, felt like a disposable Latin asset, worse than a CIA puppet. 

Many years have passed, but something inspired me to look back into my past recently, and I noticed that she's happily married with very Jewish children. Though society tells me that I'm supposed to be happy at getting used for sex because I'm a hot Latino who can please any woman, that was not the case. I truly liked that Jewish asshole, and she left me deeply depressed for far too many weeks. I think it made me a more bitter and cynical sophomore, but I'm too drunk to think about that right now.

Society tells women that they can't let themselves be used, so it only stands to reason that someone who is interested in Asian women merely because of preconceived cultural notions, and with no intentions of real love, is truly causing emotional harm. A "preference" can be more hurtful than most imagine.