Obama Administration Helped Me Carry Out Drone Attack

I had a Yemeni friend, he was quite a nice guy. I think I met him in a coffeeshop, he was blazed out of his mind and rambling on about the United States: "I hate Barack Obama, he's a weak pussy, can't do anything to anyone in the Middle East."

I started laughing and said, "dude, you must be blazed out of your mind, you'll get taken out by a drone so easily in Yemen."

But he wasn't having it, he was daring me, and I was like, "Well, bro, here's the money for the plane ticket, go on run away to Yemen, I'll give away your name, you make a few tweets, and then I'll pass on your cell phone number to my buddy at the NSA."

I continued: "Let's make a bet, 5,000 bucks right here! We give it to the coffeeshop owner and then he gives you all of it if you return alive, or I get to keep it once you fail to return after a month. 

The dude was incredulous, but he went ahead with it. Things go according to plan, he tells me what road he's taking and at what time so I can confirm with local tribal sources if his caravan had actually been taken out. 

Indeed, within a month, I was sipping on the high-life, and I was 5,000 euros richer. And as I sat there, high on life, I said: "Thanks, Obama!"

Note from the author: this article is satire, but the way things are going, people in the Netherlands will be forced to show up for a police interrogation should they write anything about an authority figure deemed "offensive." I am soon to be interrogated by the Dutch police for writing about an authority figure. Does Europe need a Bill of Rights?