Justice Clarence Thomas Worried Conspiracy Theorists Won't Ask Any Questions After His Death

Not going down quietly. WKM
In an unusual television interview with CNN, Justice Clarence Thomas was asked about his biggest fear for the future of the United States after the death of Antonin Scalia, who often dominated the Supreme Court with his charisma and sense of humor. Justice Thomas told his interviewer that his biggest fear was that he would die under mysterious circumstances without anyone asking questions.

"When an old judge dies, most people under 30 barely even hear about it, much less go into a technological frenzy on their mobile beepers," the renowned jurist pointed out.

"It appears evident that the new generation prefers to consume the 'news' primarily through the weaving of conspiracies surrounding the individuals affected by those events, in a way making celebrities out of imagined enemies and producing martyrs to further the narrative of these nefarious villains behind the scenes," Judge Clarence Thomas said.

"I'm getting pretty old and I may not be as lucky as Antonin to die far away from my loved ones in a secluded part of the country, and this is the reason why I lately just go on long drives whenever my heart starts burning. With all these mechanical carriages being afflicted by digital viruses nowadays, dying alone in my car could be the best way to jump-start a thread on Reddit/r/conspiracy. It only takes one guy pointing out inconsistencies in the initial media reports for it to spark an avalanche of suspicion," Justice Thomas observed.

"I went ten years without asking a question, but now it's undeniably evident to me that no one is going to suspect the guy sitting quietly in a corner of the Court was involved with Skull & Bones, or ordered a hit on an Illuminati chief," the Justice lamented.

"What I really regret is that the Bush family was blamed for taking out Antonin, they've never been anything but nice and friendly to me. That's why my first question in ten years involved taking away constitutional gun rights from domestic abusers... When I kick the bucket, I want those feminist scallywags to be blamed," he concluded.