Once a Lying Cop, Always a Lying Cop

Back in college, I was friends with this Jewish girl from New York with a thick nasal accent who completely didn't understand my sense of humor. I was young and stupid back in college, thinking I could be friends with uptight asses and, even worse, wasting my time speaking and being humorous. I know much better now than to think the average white chick could ever actually be my friend, but I digress.

So, Judina [not real name] had never had a Dominican friend – and I'm 100% certain that neither her nor any of the white women I attended Yale with have any close minority friends of a working-class background – so it was only logical that the Dominican tendency to exaggerate and tell jokes in a serious manner completely struck her as “deception.” Instead of telling me directly that she felt I had lied to her, Judina took the typical white girl route and simply told everyone around her what she thought about me: “Once a liar, always a liar,” she told my roommates and my roommate's girlfriend, ad infinitum.

I was outraged when the comment made its way back to me, and after Junior year I simply closed myself off and stopped hanging out with her clique. Her words basically let me know that she doesn't believe in the ability of people to change, but worse of all, it told me that she completely didn't understand me. To add insult to injury, I felt betrayed because although I may have told tall tales, I grew up in the Bronx, a place where you don't talk smack about someone behind their back unless you wanna get shanked in the cafeteria lunch line.

But in that cultural difference was the inability of us to get along: she felt deceived because I told her a story which may have not been 100% factual, while I felt betrayed because she talked smack about me behind my back.

Which takes us to the present, one in which Judina is a lawyer. Does she still believe that “once a liar, always a liar?”

If she does, then I would like for her to examine the details of a case in which I was involved here in the Netherlands. In that case, an officer purposely mistranslated what I had told her, completely setting me up so I would have to answer questions before a police rector – the individual just below a judge in Dutch jurisprudence – and potentially face 1,000 euro fine.

After all, if a cop is willing to falsify a statement against a US citizen with a Yale degree, what wouldn't she be willing to do to a poor Moroccan who can't afford to voice his victimization in an international platform which is read by Yale graduates and professors!?

The fact is that Officer Cheesecunt felt I was lying to her and decided to take the law into her own hands. In the same way that Judina could be certain that I had told tall stories before I met her, I'm certain that Officer Cheesecunt has fabricated allegations against other suspects.

However, I come from the Bronx, a place where you either stand up the first time someone steps on you, or you get stepped on forever. For this reason, I have hired Willem Jebbinks, the top free speech lawyer in the Netherlands, and have decided that I am willing to go to prison in the name of what is right, namely telling everyone my story. 

I hope that any suspect who has had previous dealings with Officer Cheesecunt comes forward and reveals how she falsified statements against them.

Just this summer, Mitch Henriques, a Caribbean tourists, was brutally strangled by Dutch officers who later falsified statements about how his death came about.

Has Officer Cheesecunt ever been involved in the death of anyone? How many men has she helped to wrongly convict? I'm willing to bet that the number is shocking.

On the 30th of September, I'm supposed to be interrogated by Officer [censored] of the Amsterdam police. He will ask me if I wrote an offensive article about Officer Cheesecunt, this in a country that prides itself on free speech. What Officer [censored] doesn't realize is that the more they squeeze their grip, the more I will write. Officer Cheesecunt can expect me to write a book about her life and entire family background. Only death can stop me!